Whether you’ve recently broken up, or you’re afraid you’re on the brink of a divorce you can take heart, you can save marriage from divorce.  You can reignite the flame that the two of you once shared.  It won’t necessarily be easy or fast, but if you’re committed to making it work there is hope.

I’ve compiled a list of some of the things you need to do to salvage and repair your marriage.  Keep these tips in mind when you are analyzing your marriage:

1.  Do you really want to stay in the marriage?  I know this may sound like a dumb question but sometimes when we think we want to keep our marriage going what we really mean is that we’re afraid of having to find someone new, or starting over.  If you’re brutally honest with yourself you can determine if you really want to continue the marriage or if you’re just scared of being on your own.

Another part of this question is to determine if your spouse really wants to work on the marriage too.  Even if you decide that your marriage is worth saving, that doesn’t mean your spouse shares your conviction or will be willing to invest the time and effort to work on your problems.

2.  Honestly evaluate what went wrong in your marriage. Again, this will need to be done by both of you.  This can be the hardest part; it’s always easier to blame someone else for the problems but it’s tougher to own up to your part in the break down of your marriage. 

Before you can repair it you need to know not only what is broken but why it broke.  The two of you may even want to visit a marriage counsellor to help you objectively work through this phase.  Sometimes having an objective third party in the room can help you both stay calm and face things you may not have been willing or able to face on your own.

3. Try to remember what drew you to each other in the first place.  If you’ve been in a marriage for a while you obviously loved and enjoyed each other.  So often in a marriage what happens is that the ‘stronger’ one (or the most selfish one) controls the marriage. They become the one who tends to take more than they give.  The other spouse will take on the role of the giver.  Over time the ‘taker’ will get bored because the fun loving person they fell in love with has become a doormat and the ‘giver’ will get sick of not getting their needs met often enough.

If your marriage has fallen into this trap you both need to take a step back and remember what attracted you to each other.  This might be a good time to not only remember but to tell the other person.  Remind them why you fell in love with them, and vice a versa.

To save marriage from divorce will take time, work, and commitment by both parties, but it can be done.  If you think your marriage is worth saving and your spouse thinks so too, than by all means, follow the tips above and you can salvage your marriage.

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