Monthly Archives: August 2015

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It has been a while now since the truth came out that your other half was having a marital affair. Initially you didn’t wish to believe it. Not one of the standard signals of infidelity were discernible so you just convinced yourself it’s stress and needless worry.

Except your instincts kept letting you know something was wrong. The more time that went by the more expounded it became til finally there wasn’t any way to keep ignoring it. After checking some things out you challenged your spouse and they admitted to something that you hoped against hope wasn’t correct.

Since then the two of you made a real effort to save the marriage relationship but you have apprehensions about their fidelity. You continue to love your partner but after they crossed that bridge of betrayal it’s difficult to believe that they will not do it again or even worse that they are still in the middle of anmarital affair.
Unless you follow your spouse around twenty four hours a day seven days each week there is truly no technique of guaranteeing they don’t seem to be unfaithful. What you’re looking for are robust indicators that what occurred is actually finished and they are sincere about reconstructing the marital relationship.

Among these are :

1. Communication

Your partner can have a tough time expressing what they actually did to you but if they are making a repeated strong effort than that is a very good sign. They talk about the relationship and why did they want to keep on an affair.

Communication also suggests your spouse listens to what you’ve got to say. You may repeat the same over and over again about how you are feeling and what they put you thru and your important other understands without getting impatient or indignant.

2 . The Quality Of The Apology

Voicing sorrow after a marital affair isn’t an one shot deal. It could have to be said time after time again until the better half that was wronged feels better about their mate and future of the marital relationship..

It conveys understanding of what they did to break the relationship and recognizes the hurt they caused to the marital partner with a vow not to do it again. If they’re not willing to give this kind of apology then look out.

3 . Clear As Crystal

Irrespective of how direct and frank the communication or how powerful and genuine the apology it still boils down to proving it through action. The characteristics of adultery must come to a close. Secrecy, lying and lying thru omission are some of the traits.

If the two of you need to line up some type of system where you check in with each other on a regular basis then do so. That may strike some people as overstepping but if the marriage is to be revived than openness is a vital ingredient to doing it.

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Being in a distressed marriage can sometimes go overlooked by either partner. Or several couples know that there is a dilemma but choose to just cope with the situation instead of taking steps to get the love back and save the relationship.

Why? The explanation for an action may stem from the family background that either partner has grown up in. A partner whose parents had a troubled marriage often see this as the gauge and does not recognize the need to take notice or may not even be aware that there is a problem. He or she may have a false belief that the circumstances are natural as he or she has gone through it before. Maybe these misconceptions have been ingrained in the spouse since childhood while watching his or her parents go through a bad marriage. Hence, experiencing a bad marriage himself or herself does not spark any response.

Thus what are the signs of a bad marriage?

No intimacy, for one. Although before, both spouses can’t wait to get their hands on each other, now there is lack of enthusiasm. The simple caress, the surprise kiss, the holding of hands – all these are gone.

No communication. Communication is fundamental to bonding. And marriage is all about the union of two people. Once communication is no longer in existence, the spouses cannot give themselves the possibility to connect and nourish the marital union.

Physical and verbal abuse. Abuse means there is no respect between the partner. Physical or verbal abuse is a notable sign of a bad marriage. Marriage should be established on respect and love, and when these are non-existent, trouble starts.

Couples often fall into the trap of denial. sAspects such as fear from reprisal from family and friends can forbid the couple from facing the issue face to face and pursuing help to save the relationship. Other factors such as considering the welfare of the children cause couples to just accept the situation acting on it. These couples do not get that this does not help their children at all. If left unchecked, the children will grow up in an environment filled with unease and stress and lack of role model to follow in their own relationships later on.

Thus what do you have to do? First, talk about it; this brings the communication back into the relationship. When you talk it over with your spouse, it will be easier to understand that there is a problem. When you both acknowledge that there is a problem, it will be easier to look for help. Sometimes couples elect to try to save the relationship themselves without searching for help. This is all right – for a first step. Though if you observe that you are not making improvement, then it is time to search for outside help through counseling or through resources that you can tap like self-help books or through the internet.

We are frequently caught in our delusions of castles in the sky and conclude that love will overpower all and things will work out by themselves. Nothing wrong in being positive about it. But frequently a third party is necessary to make you and your spouse realize each of your weaknesses and examine and determine with an open mind what the problem is.

Doing nothing and trying to cope with a bad marriage can cause strain and agitation not only for you and your spouse but your children and other family members as well. Do not remain passive and just pray things will work out. You can do something to save the relationship . There is hope; a bad marriage can still be restored.

Zeny Zabala is a relationship resource person who loves to write articles about marriage and relationships for individuals looking for help and inspiration in their relationships. She also provides reading recommendations on her web site with reviews on the best available reading resources on the internet today. Visit her website now.


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